Mom and baby are center stage at delivery and thereafter, but dad is also an integral part of the scene. YES, mom carried baby in her womb for nine months, labored for what seemed like unending hours, and finally delivered baby into the world. But the hard work actually begins after delivery, when BOTH mom and dad are involved in taking care of their new baby human. I’ve taught a lot about what mom may do to care for baby in previous blogs, so today I’m focusing on dad. Each parent plays an important role in the unified plan of raising a healthy, strong, good human. Every couple who begins a family will have their own story to tell. Hopefully the story begins with shared excitement of baby on the way, preparing the nursery and home, dad talking to mom’s growing baby bump, and dad at mom’s side during labor and delivery, welcoming their little one into the world together. After delivery and provided there are no medical problems, baby will remain with mom and dad. Take this quiet, alone time for the three of you to hold each other and bond as a new family.
1. HOLD BABY SKIN TO SKIN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
Baby may be placed skin to skin with mom or dad. When placed skin to skin during the first hours after birth, every newborn will go through nine innate and instinctive stages, which may vary in timing, and often extends beyond one hour to complete all the stages. Dr. Ann-Marie Widstrom, working with Dr. Kajsa Brimdyr (Healthy Children Project) called this progression of nine instinctive stages of the newborn after birth, “The Magical Hour.” Dad may find it amazing to observe this progression of nine stages as mom holds baby skin to skin to encourage baby to breastfeed for the first time. After mom breastfeeds, dad is encouraged to hold baby skin to skin also. As much skin to skin time as possible with mom or dad is essential to baby transitioning from fetal to newborn life, encouraging and enhancing mom’s breastfeeding, and bonding for all.
Familiarize yourself with Dr. Widstrom’s “Nine Instinctive Stages of the Newborn After Birth,” and observe for yourself the stages as they occur:
In Stage 1 (The Birth Cry), the birth cry is a distinctive cry that occurs immediately after birth as the newborn’s lungs expand.
In Stage 2 (Relaxation), after the birth cry stops, the newborn relaxes, exhibits no mouth movements and hands are relaxed. The baby is skin to skin with mom, and baby’s body (not head) covered with a warm dry towel or blanket.
In Stage 3 (Awakening), the newborn awakens and exhibits small thrusts of movement in the head and shoulders. This stage usually begins approximately 3 minutes after birth. Baby may exhibit head movements, open his eyes, show some mouth activity, and move his shoulders.
In Stage 4 (Activity), the newborn becomes more active. This stage usually begins approximately 8 minutes after birth. The baby begins to make increased mouthing and sucking movements, as the rooting reflex becomes more obvious.
In Stage 5 (Rest), the newborn may rest at any point. Throughout the first hour or so after birth, the baby may have periods of resting between periods of activity.
Stage 6 (Crawling) is the stage which usually begins about 35 minutes after birth. The baby approaches the breast with short periods of action which result in reaching the breast and nipple.
Stage 7 (Familiarization) is the stage which usually occurs around 45 minutes after birth and could last for 20 minutes or more. During this stage, the newborn becomes acquainted with mom by licking the nipple, and touching and massaging her breast.
Stage 8 (Suckling) is the stage in which the newborn takes the nipple, self-attaches and suckles. This early experience of learning to breastfeed usually begins about an hour after birth. As aforementioned, if mother received any analgesia/anesthesia during labor, it may take more time with skin to skin for baby to complete the stages and begin suckling.
In the final Stage 9 (Sleep), baby and sometimes mother fall into a restful sleep. This usually occurs 1.5 to 2 hours after birth.
Check out the video “The Magical Hour: Holding Your Baby Skin to Skin in the First Hour After Birth” produced by Dr. Brimdyr, Dr. Widstrom, and Kristin Svensson: https://amzn.to/4bjwNaW
2. SUPPORT MOM’S DECISION TO BREASTFEED.
Mom does the breastfeeding, but dad can still be a part of the process and definitely support mom’s decision to nurse. Every mom’s breastfeeding journey will vary, but dad’s support throughout this time is essential to mom’s success. Support from dad at the end of this journey will be needed by mom too.
3. LEARN ABOUT BREASTFEEDING.
Take a Breastfeeding Class with mom before baby arrives or shortly afterward. Understanding what mom is experiencing and learning what to look for such as baby’s hunger cues, what a good latch looks like, how stimulation is essential in milk let-down and production, pumping, and more, will give you confidence to help mom as needed throughout her breastfeeding journey.
4. OFFER HELP TO MOM WHILE BABY IS BREASTFEEDING.
When mom first starts breastfeeding, she may feel like she needs more hands to hold baby, hold her breast, adjust baby’s mouth if latch is not right, and hand express colostrum to the nipple to entice baby. Mom may also want to massage her breast or do breast compressions to help in stimulation for milk let-down. Here’s where dad can come in to help. If baby’s latch is not wide enough, open baby’s mouth while mom is breastfeeding by lowering baby’s chin. Move baby’s upper and lower lips if they are not flanged outward like a fish’s lips. Do this periodically throughout the feeding to teach baby to keep his mouth wide. Massage or help mom do breast compressions while she is breastfeeding. If hand expression of mom’s milk to her nipple is not enticing baby to suckle, help mom by syringe feeding colostrum into the corner of baby’s mouth, while baby remains latched. The lactation consultant or nurse may provide you with a 1cc slip-tip syringe to feed mom’s colostrum. This extra boost of colostrum fed while baby is latched, will entice baby to suckle, and once started, baby will continue to nurse. In addition once mom has settled in with the breastfeeding session, offer her a drink or a snack as she desires. Mom needs to be drinking plenty of water to produce milk for baby. Ask for breastfeeding assistance from mom’s nurse or lactation consultant during the hospital stay. Either one of them can demonstrate the techniques mentioned above.
5. GET UP WITH MOM FOR NIGHT-TIME FEEDINGS.
Show your support, by getting up at night with mom. Work as a team to shorten the length of time everyone is awake at night. Help mom with diaper changes or gathering any supplies mom may need. Bring baby to mom, if she wants to nurse in bed. Help mom situate her breastfeeding pillow(s) to support her to nurse.
6. HELP MOM WITH THE BREAST PUMP OR BOTTLE FEEDING
If mom is pumping, help her with assembly and cleaning pump parts. If the doctor has ordered supplementation for baby due to a medical problem, you may feed the bottle of expressed breast milk or formula after mom breastfeeds first. Moreover, this will allow mom the time to pump while you bottle feed baby. This coordination between mom and dad helps make feeding and pumping easier.
7. GIVE MOM ALONE TIME TO DO SELF-CARE OR WHATEVER SHE DESIRES.
Breastfeeding at the start can be overwhelming for mom, and seem to her like she is breastfeeding all day and night, with no time to herself. Take care of baby for a while to allow mom time to have uninterrupted sleep, take a bath, exercise, or just have a meal in peace. Use this time for dad and baby bonding. Play together with toys or read baby a book. If baby is asleep, help mom with household chores. Accept help from family and friends when they offer to care for your new family.
8. PRAISE MOM OFTEN!
Breastfeeding baby on cue and demand, 8-12 times for as long as baby desires every 24 hours, can be a daunting task for a new mom. But when dad is involved with mom’s breastfeeding and supportive, the load becomes lighter. Encourage mom to keep calm and breastfeed on! Dad, you are mom’s in-house cheering squad! Mom is giving your baby the gift of a lifetime by breastfeeding. While up to two years breastfeeding is recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the World Health Organization, breastfeeding for only six months is beneficial in establishing baby’s immune system for a lifetime of better health. Be sure to take pictures of mom and baby breastfeeding. Those are beautiful bonding moments to remember for posterity!
9. AS FATHER, BE THE PROTECTOR OF YOUR FAMILY, PLUS MOM’S BREASTFEEDING.
Mom may not want to confront family and friends when they overstay their welcome, whether right after delivery at the hospital or once mom and baby are back home. Moreover especially as new parents, both of you may be bombarded with advice by well meaning folks, but speak up Dad, when the situation becomes overwhelming. Support and defend mom’s decision to breastfeed both in conversation or if mom chooses to breastfeed in public. Being in mom’s corner when it comes to breastfeeding, will empower her to feed your baby as long as she chooses, which results in a healthy outcome for both your baby and mom!